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Podcast 16:Leadership: Relationship Management EQ

My ability to respond in a conscious Godly manner in the face of negative emotions is in direct proportion to my awareness around the truth that I am not another person’s emotional expressions. As I anchor my identity and beliefs in God, I am able to offer responses that validate, empathize and encourage the sender of the emotions. When I forget that I am safe and connected the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords I am vulnerable to defensive behavior which pushes people away and blocks healthy solutions. “1-Uping”, “You Should” and “At least” language will prevent a healthy flow of meaning between me and the sender of the emotions. Dear God, who will save me from my insecurities and self-doubt and fear? Thanks, be to God through Jesus Christ my Lord, I can give space for the Holy Spirit to anchor me in Christ’s confident, consistent loving kindness which will overflow into my emotional intelligence within relationships I encounter on my earth school journey.

Edge God In Podcast Week 16: Leadership: Relationship Management EQ

Self-Awareness => Self-Management

Social Awareness => Relationship Management

The focus of this study is on the 4th essential component of emotional intelligence which is relationship management. The 3rd step was geared towards your awareness around the emotions of other people and the 4th step is focused on your ability to handle in a health conscious way the emotions of other people. Our ability to effectively manage our relationships with those around us is in direct proportion to our ability to manage our own perceptions and emotions. As we expand our ability to manage our own emotions we are better equipped to tune into the emotions of people as well as process the emotions of other people from a conscious “lights-on” response space versus a reactive, defensive, “light-off” below the line manner.

How well do you manage the emotions of other people? Do you shut down in the face of strong emotions? Do you find yourself triggered and reacting with similar strong emotions when face to face with anger? Fear? Blame? Judgment?

Learn:

Relationship Management: Managing the Emotions of Others:

Managing the emotions of others takes us understanding who we are. God, our Father is said to have two qualities; he is spirit and he is the soul.  In John 4:24, he tells us that “God is spirit”.  In Hebrew and Greek, the words for Spirit are commonly connected to terms of reflection, intellect, and intention. Being that we are made in the image of God, it is important that we know how to manage the emotions of others in a way that God would have us do, demonstrated to us numerous times in the scripture.

Gal 5:16 taught us that we as Christians, we should walk in the spirit and not by the flesh. It says, “But I say, live by the Spirit and you will not carry out the desires of the flesh.

Setting our perspective for this is important, because not setting it leads to unmanaged emotions like gossip; bullying; envy; jealousy; victimization; complaining below the line behaviors.

Romans 8:5 says, “For those who live according to the flesh have their outlook shaped by the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit have their outlook shaped by the things of the Spirit. 6 For the outlook of the flesh is death, but the outlook of the Spirit is life and peace, 7 because the outlook of the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to the law of God, nor is it able to do”.
We must also understand that managing the emotions of our spirit and others develops the fruits of the spirit.

Gal 5:22 says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentlenesses, and self-control”.

And lastly, we need to know how to relate to God and to people which God shows us in Phil 4:8: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of respect, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if something is excellent or praiseworthy, think about these things. 9 And what you learned and received and heard and saw in me, do these things. And the God of peace will be with you.

Reflect:

High Noticing Emotions: So how do set our perspective? our ego? Or managing the emotions of our spirit and others?  And how do we relate to God and to people? How well am I imagine the emotions of others? Do you mirror the negative emotions of others?

Identify & Integrate:

Here are Godly steps you can take to managing your emotions and those of others.

  1. Put off the qualities that negatively affect relationships and recognize what’s going on in the life of yourself and others. Doing this frees the pain that keeps us from seeing the life and suffering of others.
  2. Put to death the inward negative moods and appetites that destroy inner peace and joy. This will trigger you to stop any action or thought that negatively affects the building and maintenance of relationships.
  3. Reckoning to Gods picture of reality by using heavenly perspectives and pursuing heavenly relationships. This will create the foundation to build and grow relationships as he would have us do.

Maintain:

We have to work to set our minds on the types of relationships we will have above (in heaven) and realize that we control our thinking. When we do this, it allows us to be other-centered individuals that can start positive relationships, the kind God sees for us.

 Dear God, grant me the grace of temperance. Help me to listen to understand verses listening to be understood. When people react to me with unkind words and judgments grant me the strength to pause and listen for your voice…perhaps you will say, “leave it…do not pick up that hot coal of unkind behavior, if you do, it will burn you and then the wound will be yours to heal…borrow my love and kindness and release.”

~ Estella Lauren

Emotional Intelligence: Step 2

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2nd Step in Emotional Intelligence:

Self-management: Requires high noticing around what spins you and the ability to adjust.

How? Allow the Holy Spirit to guide the flesh vs. the flesh to guide the Spirit.

Romans: 8:5: Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on the things of the flesh. Those who live according to the Spirit have their minds set on the things of the Spirit.

Flesh: Romans 5:5:  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

If you live in the flesh you are concerned about the things in the flesh.  What are things of the flesh? Anything that distracts you from communion with God: status; fame; popularity; money; opinions of others; greed; malice; self glorification and gratification; jealousy; fits of rage; coveting. Basically like a spoiled child the flesh is never satisfied, it is always craving more. The flesh will also question God and feel victimized: Why me?

Colossians 3:5-10: “ Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.  You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.”

What is your vice? Have high noticing and then the ability to manage the fleshly flare-ups.

Colossians 3:12: Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. The Spirit of God dwells in you. When you are in the Spirit you are pleasing to God: heartfelt compassion, putting up with others.

Romans 8:12: We are not debtors to the flesh.

High Noticing is essential for self-management. The fruit of the Spirit self-control and it is an essential ingredient for effective self-management.

~Lauren Estella

Emotional Intelligence in God: Step 1

Listen to the above Edge God In Bible Study on Emotional Intelligence Step 1

Bible Study:

Holy Spirit, grant me wisdom. Show me who you have created me to be to in this world. Help me to see myself as God sees me rather than how I judge myself. I give you permission to remove everything within me that is not of God, that does not glorify Him or make Him recognizable in my life: my judgments…towards self and others…my conclusions about life that are based in story verses reality, including assuming and mind reading. I am nothing without you Lord, and with you I am everything and feel complete, significant and valued. Refresh me Lord so that I remain in you. Have your way with me in spite of myself.

 

Edge God In Podcast Week 13: Leadership: Self-Awareness EQ

 

Self-Awareness => Self-Management

Social Awareness => Relationship Management

 

Focus for the study is on the first essential component of emotional intelligence: self-awareness. We cannot give out effectively what we have not given attention to within ourselves. Our ability to effectively manage our relationships with those around us is in direct proportion to our ability to manage our own perceptions and emotions. What does God say?

 

Learn:

3 Questions to reflect upon when considering self-awareness:

 

  • Who Am I?
  • Why am I here?
  • What will it matter?

 

Who Am I? Scripture:

 

  • John 1:12: “To those who believe in His name are given the right to become the children of God.
  • Romans 8:15-16: I have received a Spirit of sonship…Abba Father, this spirit testifies that I am a child of the living God.
  • 1 Peter 2:9: I am part of a royal priesthood, a Holy Nation, a people belonging to God.

 

Why am I here? Scripture:

 

  • 2 Corinthians 5:20-21: To make God recognizable in this world. I am Christ’s ambassador as if God were making His appeal through me. For our sake He made Him to be sin who did not sin that I might become the righteousness (the excellence) of God.
  • 1 Peter 2:9: As a part of God’s child and a Holy Nation I am here to declare the praises of Him who called me our of darkness into light.
  • Galatians 2:20: I have been put to death with Christ on the cross so it’s no longer I who live but Christ who lives within me this life I live by faith alone in Him who died for me. I am here to live by faith and allow Jesus to live within and through me.

 

What will it matter? …When I prayed on this one I got: “why will it matter? It will matter in all of eternity for the sake of salvation of souls, your choice to live for me will end in life.”

Reflect:

Who are you? What are your strongest drivers in life? Those things that move you to engage?

Why do you think you are gifted with another day of life?

As you reflect upon who you are in Christ and why you are here on earth, take your curiosity a little further and explore the amount of time you spend worrying about what other people think along with other achievements. What emotions hold you back from your identity in Christ?  Self-awareness is the first step in emotional intelligence. What knocks your lights out during the day? The opinions of other people? Not completing your “to-do” list? Do you focus more on identifying yourself with your struggle instead of declaring your victory over it in Christ? John 15: Remain, remain, remain in Christ so much so that your perception of YOU flows directly from Christ’s perception of you.

Identify:

Identify and write down those aspects of your reactive behavior to life that do not make God recognizable in this world. Commit to adjusting your perceptions around you to include your most valuable possession: your own will to choose your identity in Christ and your ability to identify and adjust those behaviors which do not align with the person you are committed to being in Christ. With Jesus you lack nothing and your awareness of self gets lost in His love and purpose for you.

Integrate:

Fold a piece of paper in half-length wise. In the 1st column write down your response to this question: I feel most loved when_________________________________. In the second column write down: I feel most accepted when___________________________.

This information will offer you the opportunity to integrate those activities that re-fuel your sense of identity as well as offer you the opportunity to release those methods of feeling loved and accepted which do not give glory to God or are based in selfish ambition or vein conceits. For example: I feel most accepted when people tell me that I have done an awesome job. Affirmations in and of themselves are beautiful and when they start to replace our identity in God we render ourselves vulnerable to rising and falling depending upon how the world judges us at that time. Self-awareness is the first step in emotional intelligence in that it is the gateway through which we become capable of allowing God to make Himself recognizable in or life or not. You can not give out to the world around you what you do not take time to nurture within your own interior world with God.

Maintain:

For three weeks take 3 minutes before you fall asleep to do an examination of consciousness. Pause and notice how aware you made God recognizable. Was your identity (your sense of worth, value and capability) in what you did or in who you are in Christ? This is a time of high noticing around how you show up in life. What worked for you in terms of your personal responses, assumptions and conclusions about your daily events? What didn’t work for you? Withhold judgment and simply observe and commit to expand those self-reflections that are working out for you and supporting your desire to making God recognizable in your life and relationships: Edge God In.

 

 

Surround yourself with people who make you a better person in life

Episode 10: Trust Trumps Fear

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Trust Trumps Fear:

Dear Lord, help me to know deep in my soul that you have my best interests in mind so much so that no matter what happens around me in life I am able to trust with complete confidence that with you I am safe and loved.

 

Edge God In Podcast Week 10: Trust Trumps Fear

Learn:

Problem: We give power to outside circumstance to define our worth, value and capability. This can be a very scary place to live life as we rise and fall depending upon how the world judges us.

Scripture Fear Trumps Trust: Genesis 3:1-13: Who was the 1st human being who ever experienced fear? Adam…think about this for a moment. He’s in the garden all is going great for him: good food, great company, God’s favor all is well in his world then SHAZAM the little serpent slithers onto the scene and into the world of Eve: “Did God realllly say that you can’t partake of this delicious fruit? He just doesn’t want you to know what He knows.” Eve starts to ponder: “Hmmm, that’s not cool. What’s wrong with a little good fruit in life and I can use some extra insights.” Perhaps a little fear creeps in…”I might not know all that I could know which is power.” Eve approaches Adam: “Hey, you gotta try this fruit.” Adam partakes and fear slithers in so much so that they tried to hide from God and play the blame game when God confronted them. When fear takes over the fall happens. Perhaps the biggest fear here is one that trips us up in life way too often: the fear of missing out. The fear of missing out was so extreme that they compromised the truth of who they were created to be and missed out on paradise. Thanks a lot guys.

Scripture Trust Trumps Fear: Daniel 3:15-18: Let’s flip to a group of guys who decided to allow trust that God has big plans, bigger than circumstance and has the ability to bring good out of evil when we choose to trust. The definition of trust is: a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. In this case it’s God. Do you trust that He has your best interests in mind and is working on your behalf behind the scenes to showcase the best YOU you can possibly be on earth? If you do then fear will be locked out of your interior castle which was the case for Rack, Shack and Benny in Daniel 3:15-18. Here’s the scene: The King demands that Rack, Shack and Benny bow down and worship a statue (idol) every time the music kicks in and if they don’t they will be thrown into the fiery furnace. There reply is simple: “No we won’t bow down to your statue, we worship the Lord our God and have so much trust in His ability to save us no matter what circumstance we are in that we believe He will deliver and save us.” So into the fire they go and as the King observed, a fourth man was seen walking around in the fire with them. Not only do they emerge from the flames without one hair being burnt, they don’t even smell like fire and are completely unaffected by the destructive elements of fire. SHAZAM Trust Trumps Fear! Isaiah 43:1-2 nails it when it comes to reminding us of what happens when we trust God: “Do not fear, I have redeemed you, I have called you by name and you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”

Reflect:

In what areas of your life do you allow fear to trump your trust in God?

Identify & Adjust:

Moving forward in your life, how specifically will you increase your trust in God when faced with fearful situations? Here are some common fears that get in the way of our trust in God and scriptures to support you: Fear of what others will think (Galatians 1:10), Fear of failure (Matthew 19:26), Fear of not being able to handle something (Romans 8:31), Fear of being left behind or left out (Hebrews 12:3), Fear of criticism (John 12:42-43), Fear of making wrong decisions (Romans 8:28, if you mess up God will find you). Identify 1-3 of your top fears that sabotage your trust in God.

Integrate/Take Action:

Each time you feel that fear you have identified above pause and quote a scripture that you have put to memory and invite God’s grace to help you trust in Him more than the fear you are experiencing. Trump your Fears with Greater Trust & Confidence in the One who Calls you by Name and Adores You so Much He Died to Win Your Trust. Will you trust Him?

Surround yourself with people who make you a better person in life

Lauren & Estella

How to Kick In God’s Power…

Are you worn out at Peter was after fishing all night without anything to show for it? Reflect on Luke 5:5 and 2 Peter 2:19. Has your “doing” in life creating an interior prison linking your worth to your achievements? Ask the Lord: where would you have me go today? Who would you have me speak to? What do you want me to spend my time doing with the gifts and talents you have given to me? When Peter stepped away from the enslavement of his own efforts into the Lord’s guidance: “Go out into deep waters and cast your nets” it was then that he came to the end of himself which is when God kicks in. Let Go and Let God Move You into His Will Today.

Let God and Lean Into God. When you get to the end of yourself it is then that God’s mighty power and will begins.

Because of His Love,

Lauren <><

2017 10 Things to Believe

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Below are 10 beliefs that I recently heard from one of my spiritual mentors in life, Joyce Meyer and have expanded upon. She has powerful credibility in this area because she was sexually abused by her father until she was 18. She could have believed that she was the abuse and she could have allowed the abuse to define her worth and value; however, she chose to believe 10 things that led to her victory over the mind muck which blocked her joy for many years. Perhaps there is a belief contained in the following information that will help you reclaim your victory over hardship in the New Year.

 

Prune for growth in the area of inner strength and confidence as you step into the New Year remembering that the One who dwells within in is greater than circumstance. This is a practice which led to my own healing and restoration when I went through advanced cancer and divorce at the same time:

 

  1. Believe that God is good, no matter what trial is going on outside of you. I learned through my own trial, through cancer and divorce, that God has the ability to bring about a greater good than had the hardship never even occurred.
  2. Believe that it will ultimately work out. Consider the rose that appears in the midst of the thorns…how is that possible, you may ask, that such beauty appears in the midst of such a pain producing element? Open your eyes in nature and you will see this relationship repeat itself, perhaps as a sign to help us remember when we forget: the rainbow can only appear in or after the storm.
  3. God is greater than your problems and with Him nothing is impossible with God. God believes you can…do you?
  4. Believe that your break through is going to manifest at any moment.
  5. Believe that you hear from God. Don’t ever say, “I wish I could hear from God” say, “I hear from God and I am led by the Holy Spirit.” My first book, Hearing His Whisper, contains my conversations with God before, during and after the trial. They began with the same prayer the young boy Samuel used to unlock his ability to hear the voice of God, “Speak Lord, your servant is listening.”
  6. Believe that God has heard your prayers and expect an answer. Each day I claim the answer I desire, “Thank you God for my healing.” Just as the blind man when asked by Jesus, “What do you want me to do for you?” replied quickly and perhaps with confidence and faith, “Lord, I want to see.”
  7. Believe that God’s healing power is working in your body and you will feel better and stronger every day.
  8. Believe God gives you favor every where you go and that you don’t have to work at being accepted by people. Let God give you favor. Moving into the New Year I have started to proclaim the following statement as I transition from one activity to another: “God’s favor is with me where ever I go.”
  9. Believe that God is working in your life and the lives of your loved ones and you are changing all the time, stepping into the person you are created to be. Believe that God sees you for who you desire to be rather than how your behavior shows up and offer the same generous assumption to those around you. Practice kindness and compassion.
  10. Believe, Believe, Believe! “All things are possible for those who believe.” Mark 9:23. Make love and confidence your way in the New Year!

Happy New Year and God’s Favor to You!

Lauren <><

How to Renew Your Mind

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“Be Transformed by the renewing of your MIND.” Romans 12:1

 

When Moses asked God, “Who Should I say sent me?” God replied,

“I Am”. ‘I Am’ is a declaration of identity. God is the

great I Am omnipresent creator of life. YOU are created in

his image and have the same ability to create your reality

through your thoughts which create your words which

create your perceived reality. Stay awake at the gate of

your thoughts.

 

Be very careful of your choice of words after ‘I Am’ or

‘My’ statements. What ever you choose to put after those

statements becomes linked to your sense of identity.

 

Instead of:

 

I Am sick

I Am exhausted

I Am overwhelmed

My tremor

My illness

My pain

My lonliness

My negative thoughts

 

 

Try speaking these:

 

I Am a child of God, ALL things are possible for me

I Am healthy

I Am energized

I Am capable of coming up with creative solutions

I Am strong

I Am joyful

I Am loving

I Am grateful

My ability to succeed

My ability to heal

My ability to create positive, healthy relationships

My ability to focus on what is working out for me

 

Stay AWAKE at the GATE of your thoughts knowing they form

your spoken words. Your body follows the commands you speak

which create your perspectives on life which become your

reality.

Dear God I give you permission to override me when I take my focus off of you and put it on me and my situation. Grant me the ability to remember that I am not my circumstance unless I choose to be. That you have already overcome all that I feel has overcome me. I want the ability to pause between what happens outside of me in order to invite YOU into my responses. Remind my mind that with YOU all things are possible!

Because of His Love,

Lauren <><

Self-Control: The Caboose of the Fruits

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Learn => Reflect => Identify & Adjust => Integrate => ACT

The fruits of the Spirit: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and gentleness are all ignited into action through the last fruit of the spirit: self-control. It is the Caboose of the fruits that keep the first 7 on track. Without self-control our ability to respond with love and forgiveness over hatred and judgment is blocked.

Scriptures: Learn:

“For God did not give us a spirit of fear but of POWER, Love & Self-Control.” 1 Timothy 1:7

“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Romans 12:1

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty.” Zechariah 4:6

Reflect/Identify & Adjust:

One of my favorite reminders of who I am in this world comes from the above verse in 1 Timothy 1:7.  Let’s dismantle this a little to give it more clarity of focus thus increasing our ability to put it into daily action.

First of all, know what you are and what you are not. This releases inner anxiety instantly:

You are a child of God, possessing the blue print of the creator of the universe flowing through your spirit that is beyond all momentary troubles and tribulations.  Your spirit knows itself to be enough, capable and victorious at all times even in the eye of the storm. Simply put, you are first and foremast a spiritual being having a physical experience, as proclaimed by the Christian mystics throughout history. 

You are not your circumstance; judgments from yourself and others; traumatic situations; rejection; fear; doubt or worry…unless you choose to believe you are in which case the spirit of fear will twist the reality of who you are as created in the image AND likeness of God.

For God did not give us a spirit of fear but of POWER, Love & Self-Control. You have a spirit that moves with self-control: the ability to choose a certain response to life that serves your well-being and the well being of all concerned.  We do not use the spirit of self-control enough in our daily life as we play victim to our circumstances: “If I don’t get this certain outcome I won’t be able to handle it”…”life is a struggle”…”I can’t do that”, “Nothing ever works out for me” “I don’t understand why they did that, said that, didn’t do that…why things work out for other people and not for me.”

In order to experience the POWER and the LOVE contained at the heart of our spirit which fuels our ability to create, self-control needs to be resurrected to the front lines of our responses to people, things and circumstances.

Integrate/ACT:

This week practice self-control…step back from your quick responses to life, often fueled by emotional flare-ups of unbridled ambition and seek the wisdom that flows from the Holy Spirit, known as the Counselor: “Give me the words to speak that are in my best interest and reflect the higher good I am created for, or the silence needed for even greater wisdom and guidance.” Remember, true greatness comes through the archway of temperance, humility and love. The gap, which allows wisdom to drop in between what happens around you and your response to it, grows bigger with each act of self-control.

Dear God, I give you permission to resurrect within me the spirit that is my birth right as your child on earth: A spirit of POWER, LOVE and SELF-CONTROL.  In order for me to experience the power of your love through my thoughts, words and responses to the life in front of my face I need the grace of faith in action manifested through self-control.  Help me to remember who I am this week, why I do what I do and the bigger picture in life. Expand my ability to control my thoughts of self defeat, judgment of self and others that render me incapable of accessing the strength and power of my spirit to overcome and powerfully witness to the successful creative nature that manifests a greater good on earth, which I am willing to consider I will focus on at the sunset of this life.  Help me to live my life backwards…doing, saying, creating those things that at my last breath, as I reflect on how I showed up each day, will cause me to hear the sweet words of ultimate success in life: “well done, my good and faithful servant, you remembered who you are, what you are capable of & why, with the gift of each new dawn your heart continued to beat.”

Questions for Growth:

What specific area of your life would you like to practice more self-control this week in order to bring Glory to God?

What could you do today that would help you think about what is good and admirable?

When is it easy to let the Holy Spirit guide your actions? When is it difficult?

Our Next Virtual Bible Study will be October 28th at 9:30 am EST/7:30 am MT/6:30 am PST 

Because of His Love,

Lauren <><