Category Archives: how to

Bible Study, how to, Leadership, personal excellence, Relationships

2nd Step in Emotional Intelligence – Self Management


This week we reflect on the Self Management part of Emotional Intelligence

Listen to how Lauren shares what Self Management is and how to be guided by the spirit and not the flesh.

Self-management: Requires high noticing around what spins you and the ability to adjust.

How? Allow the Holy Spirit to guide the flesh vs. the flesh to guide the Spirit.

Romans: 8:5: Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on the things of the flesh. Those who live according to the Spirit have their minds set on the things of the Spirit.

Flesh: Romans 5:5:  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

If you live in the flesh you are concerned about the things in the flesh. What are things of the flesh? Anything that distracts you from communion with God: status; fame; popularity; money; opinions of others; greed; malice; self glorification and gratification; jealousy; fits of rage; coveting. Basically like a spoiled child the flesh is never satisfied, it is always craving more. The flesh will also question God and feel victimized: Why me?

Colossians 3:5-10: “ 5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.  You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.â€

What is your vice? Have high noticing and then the ability to manage the fleshly flare-ups.

Colossians 3:12: Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. The Spirit of God dwells in you. When you are in the Spirit you are pleasing to God: heartfelt compassion, putting up with others.

Romans 8:12: We are not debtors to the flesh.

High Noticing is essential for self-management. The fruit of the Spirit self-control and it is an essential ingredient for effective self-management.

Estella continues the conversation by sharing 3 steps in How one can Manage EQ with Gods word.

The How to manage it EQ

Step 1: Gain Knowledge of competencies on an individual level.

When we talk about EQ self Management, one must examine competencies that enable a person to demonstrate intelligent use of their emotions in themselves and others.

Scripture:
Proverbs 1:7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.
Proverbs 16:22 Good sense is a fountain of life to him who has it, but the instruction of fools is folly.
Proverbs 1:5 Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance.

Step 2: Align and be accountable to these competencies:

Competences like Emotional self awareness, confidence, control trustworthiness and adaptability should be aligned at all levels

Scripture:
Eph. 4:12: Speaks to “Alignment increases your authority to function in Christ’s kingdom†The Scripture says, “For the equipping (alignment in Greek) of the saints, for the work of service.
Gal. 4:22-31 (Accountable to this) This son of the flesh came about because Abraham and Sarah refused to be accountable to God.
Prov. 11:14, “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety”

Step 3: Work with the like minded for maximum EQ performance

If the individual (vision & values), the job (tasks and functions) and the group environment (structure & Systems) are aligned it maximizes stimulation, challenge and performance of EQ.

Scripture:
Matthew 18:20: Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. 20″For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.”
2 Corinthians 6:14: Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

Lauren & Estella

Bible Study, Christian, Faith, how to, Inspiration, personal excellence, Relationships, Stress relief, tips for purpose driven life, Uncategorized

Self-Awareness in Authentic Leadership


Edge God In Bible Study: April 18th: Leadership: Self-Awareness EQ

Self-Awareness => Self-Management

Social Awareness => Relationship Management

Focus for the study is on the first essential component of emotional intelligence: self-awareness. We cannot give out effectively what we have not given attention to within ourselves. Our ability to effectively manage our relationships with those around us is in direct proportion to our ability to manage our own perceptions and emotions. What does God say?

3 Questions to reflect upon when considering self-awareness:

  • Who Am I?
  • Why am I here?
  • What will it matter?

Who Am I? Scripture:

  • John 1:12: “To those who believe in His name are given the right to become the children of God.
  • Romans 8:15-16: I have received a Spirit of sonship…Abba Father, this spirit testifies that I am a child of the living God.
  • 1 Peter 2:9: I am part of a royal priesthood, a Holy Nation, a people belonging to God.

Why am I here? Scripture:

  • 2 Corinthians 5:20-21: To make God recognizable in this world. I am Christ’s ambassador as if God were making His appeal through me. For our sake He made Him to be sin who did not sin that I might become the righteousness (the excellence) of God.
  • 1 Peter 2:9: As a part of God’s child and a Holy Nation I am here to declare the praises of Him who called me our of darkness into light.
  • Galatians 2:20: I have been put to death with Christ on the cross so it’s no longer I who live but Christ who lives within me this life I live by faith alone in Him who died for me. I am here to live by faith and allow Jesus to live within and through me.

What will it matter? …when I prayed on this one I got: “why will it matter? It will matter in all of eternity for the sake of salvation of souls, your choice to live for me will end in life.â€

What will it matter – What will it Matter?

It will matter because in order to truly have self-awareness and self-management you need to understand and ask yourself “How do I recognize my own emotions and how are they affecting my thoughts and behavior? “

You can know this by understanding your Strengths, Weaknesses and Self Confidence.

1) The scripture tells us how to recognize our emotions and know if they are affecting our thoughts and behaviors.

John 8:31-32 AMP, Jesus says: “ If you abide in My word … you are truly My disciples. And you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you freeâ€

Prov. 3:5-6 NKJV “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your way acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your pathsâ€

2) We must know and understand our Strengths, Weaknesses, and have self-confidence to know what and why it matters to God.

  • Strengths come from God: Philippians 4:13 King James Version (KJV) I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
  • Weakness are taken care of by God: 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (ESV) But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.†Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
  • Self Confidence is given to us through the scriptures:
    • Philippians 4:13: ESV: I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
    • 2 Timothy 1:7: ESV: For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
    • Hebrews 10:35-36 ESV: Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.

3) We must remember the saying “What would Jesus do?†to manage our emotions, thoughts and behaviors.
Because of His Love <><

Lauren & Estella

Bible Study, how to, Leadership, personal excellence, Relationships

How to Lead with Emotional Intelligence

As believers, we are sometimes challenged in how to incorporate Gods principles into our leadership.  The task of balancing scripture with the secular world seems difficult at times, but in actuality it can be quite simple.

Understanding Emotional intelligence (EQ) allows people to understand their own emotions better and to take control over them.  It provides temperance and self control allowing for a higher intelligence.

Outlined below are  the 5 components of  EQ (Emotional Intelligence) and Biblical Ways to Apply It

  • Self-Awareness: Know you are perfect in his image: Genesis 1:26
  • Self-Reflection: Meditate on what He has for you through His Word: Joshua 1:8
  • Motivation: Be Abounding: 1 Corinthians: 15:58
  • Empathy: Feel the same for others: Romans 12:15
  • Social Skills: What you do for others you do for God: Matthew 25:40

Below are also some additional scriptures and thoughts that can help us lead with EQ shared by Lauren.

  • John 21:20-22: Avoid comparisons, occupy the space God has entrusted to your care.
  • John 10:1-18: Awareness of others: “I know my sheep and my sheep know me.”
  • John 18:4-8: A leader  with high emotional intelligence knows their identity and does not rise and fall depending upon the judgments surrounding them. Soldiers came for Jesus: In spite of the struggle Jesus occupied His identity; did not lie to avoid discomfort: “I am He”
  • John 18:4-8, too often those in authority will coward back and run from responsibility or blame. High character leadership with emotional intelligence is marked by compassion: John 18: Peter’s denial/
  • John 21:15-18, Jesus compassion: Peter do you love me?

Developing Emotional Intelligence takes constant work and reflection. It a skill that can only be mastered when it is a constant focus in our lives.  Just as the scripture says “Study to show ourselves approved”, so is the effects of EQ when constantly studied and used with Gods Word.

~Dr. Estella

Faith, how to, Inspiration

What Has Mastered You?


A Man/Woman is enslaved by whatever has mastered him/her. (2 Peter 2:19)

What has mastered you? The need for approval? Expectations around how you think life or people should show up for you each day? Assumptions? A hunger to be recognized or esteemed? Negative self talk? Perfectionism? A lack and scarcity mindset? Unbridled ambition that replaces what you value you most? The need for external positive reinforcement in order to step out in faith? Your outer perceptions of circumstances? Past pain? Past regrets?

This week call out loud what you have given the ability to master you. Take each item and tap on your thymus (a major circuit breaker in your body located two inches below the U-shaped dip in your neck) as you proclaim:

“I have given power to external perceptions (proclaim your specific circumstance) to define my sense of capability, worth and God given purpose.  I choose to RELEASE my perspective of outer circumstance and the unhealthy power I have given it easily and consistently so that my words, deeds and actions reflect a new perspective; an internal vision that flows from my relationship with God, soul perspective and those things I value most in this life.”

Dear God, you have set me free.  Fill me down to my cellular level with an eternal perspective that flows from the perfect wisdom my soul always knows and my body, including my perceptions and thoughts, simply forgets.

Because of His Peace and Love,

Lauren <><

Christian, Faith, how to, Inspiration, personal excellence, purpose

Shiny Objects Distracting You?


“And others are they that are sown among the thorns; these are

they that have heard the word, and the cares of the world, and

the deceitfulness of riches and the lust of other things 

entering in, choke the word & it becomes unfruitful.” 

Jesus: Mark 4:18-19

 

This is a very popular parable that has circulated

around the globe evoking a sense of curiosity around what kind

of “seed” you happen to be in this world and where have

you been sown?  We have all heard at one point the

common saying, “you reap what you sow.”

So what kind of seed are you? and what have you

given power over to that is cutting off the life

source that enables you to bloom where you are planted?

 

Do you follow shiny objects resulting in

a very shallow root system so when the opinions of

other people and circumstances do not show up

in your favor your inner motivation and inspiration

become flat lined & unfruitful?

 

Or do you withstand the dark moments, with no sign

of light, having full confidence that your God given ability

to break through the dirt of life & bloom in the midst of it

all will override the momentary discomfort

of the growth process?

 

The choice for a deep reliable root system along

with the ability to bloom where you are planted is yours

and will make all the difference in the outcomes

you will experience on this journey of life.

 

I remember when my oncologist said, “it is our goal to

try to get you to 5 years.” In spite of that dirt

surrounding me I chose God and all of the healing and

love that flow from that choice with the gift of each new

day.  Live to bloom no matter what surrounds you.

Now Pause Breathe in the Holy Spirit and Exhale any tension in your body,

Today

Dear God,

 

As is the case with a beautiful garden, there is a

season when the blooms fade and the vibrant colors 

are replaced with dull, life less surroundings.  Yet, in

spite of the lack of life that is captured by the human eye,

there is the process of growth and strength

that is occurring beneath the dark, cold dirt.

As the essential life giving elements flow from 

your hand into the soil and seeds that lie beneath 

the surface, new life, growth and abundance

return once again to the faithful seeds that

don’t doubt their God given ability to bloom once

again…with more strength & expansion than

the previous season. May it be the same for me this

season. Remind me of my capability to bloom and live

a fruitful life no matter what surrounds me.

 

Because of His Love <><

Lauren

Bible Study, Faith, how to, Inspiration, personal excellence, purpose

True Pride vs A Prideful Nature


How to Recognize Pride vs. A Prideful Nature:

 

True Pride:

 

True pride that has its way in you is unable to hear and respond to the voice of humility.  Therefore it has an insatiable desire to dominate, be seen, acknowledged & recognized. The serpents of jealousy, envy and lack and scarcity slither around in true pride robbing it’s host of inner peace and confidence.

 

This pride gets easily frustrated & anger flares up when it’s plans are thwarted and people stand in its way of getting what it wants.

 

It is fueled by unbridled ambition that puts things before people.  The non-essential before the essential, and will do anything, often void of moral conscious, to get what it wants.

 

This pride is like a spoiled child and is seldom content or deeply satisfied…always wanting more.

 

A Spiritually Discerning Person with a Prideful Nature:

 

Know this: Even as a human being seeking to love, serve and honor God you will experience prideful flare-ups.  Often times you will think you have passed a godly character development class in earth school only to find yourself taking a refresher course ;  ).

 

The difference between a person who lives in service of pride and one who seeks to put God’s ways of love and service first and experiences occasional moments of prideful flare-ups is this:

 

As soon as pride shows up the spiritually discerning person will feel the burn of whatever action, thought, or word associated with the prideful moment within their biology.

 

Feeling the discomfort this person will choose to return to God as quickly as possible.  Identifying and adjusting their thoughts, words and deeds to keep themselves aligned with the higher good of all concerned, which flows form their intimacy with God.

 

The spiritually discerning person sees pride for what it is and seeks the higher ground of humility, love and gratitude.  They are also able to forgive others when they have prideful moments.

 

Basically, the truly prideful person is enslaved to pride as they continually choose it over the ways of their godly nature.

 

The person who has a prideful nature or tendency as humans do, yet is not a proud person, is one who rejects prideful flare-ups and quickly makes amends as they choose God over their prideful moment.

 

Begin again, and again and again with even more congruency today than yesterday.

 

Align your actions with your God given natural state of being filling your responses to life with love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentleness and self-control.

 

Authentic transformation beings with ruthless honesty and the ability to adjust and choose God’s abundant grace which always offers the opportunity to begin again.

“Dear God rescue us from the weak moments of the flesh which rob us of the knowing that we are enough IN YOU. We lack nothing, as St. Teresa of Avila says, when we have you. Fill up those spaces within our interior castle which are void of the remembrance that humility, love and confidence make up the foundation for lasting inner peace and life satisfaction.”

Because of His Love,

Lauren <><

Bible Study, Christian, Faith, how to, Inspiration, personal excellence, purpose, Stress relief, tips for purpose driven life, wellness

God or Man? Flip Your Authority

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lI5i-7cCHl4

“You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.” 1 John 4:4

 

Too often we give more authority to circumstance than we do to

our God given ability to overcome, learn from and move 

through perceived challenges in life. This week remember

that GREATER IS THE ONE who lives in YOU than 

the one or thing in the world.

 

Your experience of rising and 

falling depending upon how the world judges you is in 

direct proportion to the power YOU give to the outside

circumstance to define your worth, value and capability. 

If God is for you…who or what can be against you? Flip

your authority today: Give more authority to the strength of God

within you than you give to the opinions of people around you and

or specific outcomes. Failure is just a label we place on an

undesirable outcome.  Think about this for a moment, if

you truly believe that God has plans to prosper you and not to

harm you, to give you hope and a future then whatever pops

up before you can be flipped into positive forward momentum.

What if you take a moment this week before any potential threat

to your sense of safety and ability to overcome and you remember

this simple thought: God has overcome all that I feel has overcome

(or potentially overcome) me in my life…He sees all and is more

than capable of doing more than I can ever ask or imagine for

my ultimate good in this world, I am safe and connected to the

One that is greater than circumstance.

 

Because of His Love,

Lauren <><

Faith, how to, Inspiration, purpose, Uncategorized

Our Wonderful Counselor


Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end. There are many devices in a man’s heart; nevertheless the counsel of the Lord , that shall stand.                                                         ~Proverbs 19:20-21 KJV

As we ponder on the right things to do in life and the right decisions to make, we need to first go the God for counsel.  We run to seek advice from friends, family, and therapist when the person with all the answers is right there… with you all the times.

Much of the problem comes from us being able to hear what he tells us, confident without uncertainty, that it’s his voice we hear.  This comes with strong conviction and dedication to your relationship with him. Through prayer and a continual building of a relationship with him, we are able to discern is voice, counsel, and instruction.

My constant prayer is that all of us are able to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the lord is talking, advising,  and consoling us in the right paths and choices we make.

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders.  And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace!                             ~Isaiah 9:6 NIV

Lord, let us hear your counsel, and receive your instruction, so that we may be wise at the end!!

Dr. Stella

 

 

Faith, how to, Inspiration, Uncategorized

Oh Happy Day


As I turned on my radio on this beautiful Sunday morning, the Sister Act’s version of  “Oh Happy Day†was on.  It is so refreshing to hear this song and remember the simple basics of God’s gift to us.  Edward Hawkins lyrics wrote that “God taught me how to watch, fight, and  pray.”  How did God do this?

  1. His blood on Calvary saved us from hell and we are now able to repent of our sins.
  2. We have strength through his spirit to fight the devil and evil.
  3. He teachings us in the bible  to pray at all times to Jesus.
  4. We are to watch for his return. Exciting!!!

Rejoice today and everyday knowing that no matter what we’re going or working through our worries about sin has been washed away.  What more do we need to feel good about on any given morning!

Bible Study, Christian, Faith, how to, Inspiration, personal excellence, Stress relief

True Freedom in Christ


 

“It is for FREEDOM that Christ has set you free, stand firm then and do not allow yourself to be burdened by the yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1

Dear God,

Thank you that my greatest source and fuel for happiness in this life occurs behind closed doors, when no one is watching…the prayers, dances, songs and free expressions of who I am before you alone.

I am willing to consider the freedom that Jesus Christ of Nazareth had when he walked the earth.  Known as the Prince of Peace, he was not concerned about status or the opinions of other people.

This week I will explore letting go of my need to be seen, acknowledged and recognized in order to feel successful, loved and enough.

Fill me with an expansive Spirit of joy and laughter so that a levity around all things begins to emerge in all that I do and say.

I am grateful for another day to practice letting go of the non-essentials and nurture what I value most in this life.

Have your way with me in spite of myself…your way has never left me empty handed in this life.

“Teacher, we know that you are a truthful man and that you are not concerned with anyone’s opinion. You do not regard a person’s status but teach the way of God in accordance with the truth.” 
Mark 12:14

“A man is enslaved to whatever has mastered him.” 2 Peter 1:19

As you reflect on your own relationship with the world, what has mastered you in your life? Is it your environment? Opinions and reactions of other people? The need to be seen, acknowledged, and recognized?

Is it your behavior? My clients, who are seeking freedom from compulsive behavior, will often say, “I just can’t help myself.” This reveals a type of personal enslavement due to allowing some food, substance, situation, or person to master them over time, which in some cases results in a biological addiction.

The stress hormone is linked directly to your emotional state of mind and heart. Extended emotional stress often leads to personal enslavement, which usually walks hand in hand with unhealthy outlets. The key to freedom in situations like this lies in your ability to accept where you are at, accompanied with a desire for positive personal transformation and a choice to take a step in that direction.

Dear God, I choose this week to align my thoughts, words and deeds with my highest good and the good of all concerned. Through the power of the Holy Spirit I ignite my ability to choose my responses to life remembering that I hold the key to victimization and empowerment AND what I chose to think about sets in motion my reality. 

All things are possible for me, shrinking back and allowing myself to be burdened by the yoke of slavery to unhealthy masters is not how you created me to show up in this life. I choose you and all things good, right, true, beautiful and praise worthy. #faithwalk #freedominChrist #biblestudy 

Because of His Love,

Lauren <><